ST. PETERSBURG (The Borowitz Report)—Hopes for a positive
G20 summit crumbled today as President Obama blurted to Russia’s
Vladimir Putin at a joint press appearance, “Everyone here thinks you’re a
jackass.”
The press corps appeared stunned by the
uncharacteristic outburst from Mr. Obama, who then unleashed a ten-minute
tirade at the stone-faced Russian President.
“Look, I’m not just talking about Snowden and Syria,” Mr.
Obama said. “What about Pussy Riot? What about your anti-gay laws? Total
jackass moves, my friend.”
As Mr. Putin narrowed his eyes in frosty silence,
Mr. Obama seemed to warm to his topic.
“If you think I’m the only one who feels this way,
you’re kidding yourself,” Mr. Obama said, jabbing his finger in the direction
of the Russian President’s face. “Ask Angela Merkel. Ask David Cameron. Ask the
Turkish guy. Every last one of them thinks you’re a dick.”
Shortly after Mr. Obama’s volcanic performance,
Mr. Putin released a terse official statement, reading, “I should be afraid of
this skinny man? I wrestle bears.”
After one day of meetings, the G20 nations voted
unanimously on a resolution that said maybe everyone should just go home.
Reference: The New Yorker
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