Wednesday 3 June 2015

My Husband Keeps Insisting We Have A Threesome

Inviting another woman into our sexual relationship interests me only as a fantasy, and not in real life – but he still wants to do it

I am 48 years old and my husband is 41. One month ago, during our sex, my husband suggested that we watch porn. He chose a video with two women. Since that, he has proposed having another woman with us. I’ve told him several times that this interests me as a fantasy, but not in real life. He keeps insisting, but I think this is beyond my limits.

Pamela Stephenson Advice:
Insist that your limits must be respected and that any erotic experimentation be fully consensual – including watching porn. It can be quite difficult to balance one’s desire to please a partner with one’s sense of what is personally comfortable. In some cases, it is worth trying to be adventurous, but some fantasies are best left as ideas. In your case, acting out a threesome fantasy is highly risky. Ménage-à-trois encounters can invite unpredictable feelings such as jealousy, insecurity, anger and disappointment, and the rules of such liaisons need to be carefully negotiated in advance. What would be allowed, and what off limits? Would one partner seeing the new person alone afterwards be OK or not? How would you go about legally and consensually finding such a person? I would suggest talking to your husband, and pointing out that the devil is often in the details. Thank him for his efforts to amplify the erotic charge between you, but suggest that you jointly explore new but more compatible fantasies, erotica or role-playing.

• Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.

Source: theguardian

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