Sunday 5 February 2017


  • ·         Relationship expert reveals the subtle phrases can be the most damaging
  • ·         Saying your partner would do something if they really loved you is a no-no
  • ·         Should not compare partner to other people as it leads to confrontation
  • ·         Instead of harking back to early days of relationship, tell them what you want 

We're all guilty of blurting out the wrong thing in the heat of an argument, or when we're feeling slighted.

But now a relationship expert has revealed three crucial things that you should never say to your partner if you want to lay the foundations for a healthy and happy relationship.

In an article for Psychology Today, clinical psychologist and relationship expert Alexandra H. Solomon, has revealed that while there are obvious no-nos such as lying and making threats, some of the worst things you can say are a lot more subtle.

'The climate between lovers is fragile, and comments like these are guaranteed to shift the space between you and your partner toward greater distance and hostility,' she explained. 

'If you loved me, you would'

If you're desperate for your partner to do something for your and can't understand their reluctance, you might be tempted to try this line.

Unfortunately, it's not likely to get you very far as they can easily respond by saying that if you really loved them, you wouldn't ask them to do it. 

In this situation, Alexandra recommends saying that you're struggling to understand what's keeping them from doing what you asked.

She suggests adding: 'The story I am telling myself is that you must not love me very much.'

'Why have things changed between us?'

According to Alexandra, people who say this don't want to accept that relationships change over time.

Things are not going to feel the same when you've been together for years if you compare them to how it was when you first met.

However, simply wanting things to go back to how they were is just a fantasy and won't get you anywhere.

Luckily, there is a solution and that's asking for what you want.

So, whether it's more date nights or focusing on your sex life again, you should simply tell your partner what it is you're missing.

While it might seems scary to go out on a limb, it's more likely to achieve results than skirting around the issue.

'You're behaving like your mother'

While saying someone to their mother is usually a sure fire way to irk them, comparing them to any other individual will more than likely lead to an argument.

Alexandra describes the comment as 'below the belt' even if there's some truth to it.

Instead of making the comment, the best way to deal with this situation is to describe to your partner what it is they're doing and what feelings you're experiencing about it.

So instead of telling them they're always angry like their brother, you would say something like: 'I feel you're raising your voice and I feel demoralised and want to withdraw from you.'

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